screaming into the void.

this blog exists here today as one of the ways of me trying to scream into the void. i'd like to introduce myself a little bit.

i think i am a very expressive person who can change a 100 emotions on their face within the span of 1 minute. yet, i try to find multiple creative channels of expressing because why choose direct communication when you can make a complex metaphorical and ciphered poem out of life. maybe i will share some of it here as and when time proceeds.

here are a few one-liners i wrote recently that are words i'd like to hear, use to console others or things i ask myself but don't want to know the answers of:

- i know it'll get better, right?

- do you think i'm a nice person?

- i know exactly what i want

- my mind is racing and i don't know how to stop.

- mai aur mera kavi mann

- i am at peace with myself

- amor fati

- i'm doing this for my mental health

- amma?

.

- i promise i'll do it later

- i can't ask for help

- i'm not weak

- i'm very conscious of my body

- i'm embarrassed of myself 

- i'm scared

- it hurts

- see, told you so. 

- i want to feel; but it's so degrading to feel

- i'm not sick

.

- i'm manifesting it

- i feel cold, but i can't tell anyone

- i overshare, i'm cranky and whiny

- i want comfort; do i deserve comfort?

- i'm an excellent friend

- i'll stand by you

- you deserve love

- you are worthy


anyway, i honestly don't know the purpose of this blog. i mean, what happens after the screaming?

maybe i am seeking reciprocity in expression and creation. a resonance? a call back? or just an echo. maybe i just don't want to feel alone. maybe you could also scream into this void called internet and let the magic work. maybe i will be able to see the code and might decipher or even understand it (sounds bizarre no? understanding someone). i feel it's a long shot. the idea of being understood. but it doesn't hurt to try? until it does? 

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